Shocking

So I can't decide what mood I'm in. The personal project has me completely stressed, I'm worried about my dad's health, my dad insulted me openly when I'm trying to talk to him seriously, I can't write a stupid essay for AP World History, I can't figure out what the schedule is supposed to be for my senior year, my best friend never gets to see me, I never get to see my best friend, I laugh at myself in the shower, I hum a song when I'm tired, I finished making tortilla española for my personal project, I smile at my mom's ability to flip eggs and potatoes, I feel nervous about the personal project all over again, I can't tell if my stomach hurt or if I just want it to be gone forever so I can't gain weight, I feel like exercising but also eating my saddened heart out with some coffee ice cream, I can't spend time being normal because I'm so busy, I can't remember if my friends actually like me, I can't tell if I like Catcher in the Rye but dislike Holden Caulfield, I don't know if I spelled that right, I worry about my stomach again, I worry if I'll puke tomorrow in front of a 6th grade class giving my personal project, I need to find so many things that are lost around my house, I can't focus on one problem at a time, my friends say they love me but with so much love spurting from every which way how do I know what ones actually are from love, I worry about my health, I worry about my future, I worry about my personal project because it decides my future, I smile at how long a sentence this is, I need to read for Battle of the Books, I need to decide what to write about for Catcher in the Rye, I need to save a life, I need to be inspired, I want to be loved, I want my parents and friends to be safe, I want someone to help me stop writing because this will keep going forever, I need to stop writing, I need to get a grip, I need to push that knot in my throat down because my dad didn't mean to insult me, I need to change for soccer, I need to lose weight, I need to find myself again, I need to worry, I need to stop worrying, I need to find a glimpse of hope and pray that everything will chill eventually, I need to calm down and relax, and I need to be myself. But with all this going on, who the hell am I in this mess?