Settle for the Rainbow

I can't look at my desk for too long.
I'll start thinking about the work I have to do.
I'll start thinking about the work I have done through the years.
I'll start thinking about how maybe none of it will pay off.
I'll start looking at the glowing orange light
and how it hurts my eyes.

I refuse to look through my old photos.
I'll start thinking about how happy I was.
I'll start thinking about how sad I was a few years after the photo.
I'll start thinking about whatever it is that brought me to that freeze frame.
I'll start thinking about the yellowing corners of the album
and how it's moving so fast.

I will not open a book from my book shelf.
I'll start thinking about the authors.
I'll start thinking about why they wanted to talk to me and only me.
I'll start thinking about how many other people think it was written just for them, too.
I'll start thinking about the greyed pages
and how each one has my finger print on it.

I tried to look through my phone.
I started thinking about the 2,349 pictures and why I took them.
I started thinking about the 357 songs and why I liked each one.
I started thinking about the 481 contacts and why I ever bothered putting more than 10 in my phone.
I started thinking about my green background
and why I didn't just settle for the rainbow.