Scared

There's this thing that I like to call being scared. It happens a lot to me. It happened yesterday. It went away today, and now it's sitting in the pit of my stomach right under my appendix scar.

Yesterday, I thought he forgot about me. Actually two "he"s. The one hadn't said hi to me for a few days, and I thought that was the end of that. The other wasn't around. I accepted him, and suddenly he was gone. I also missed my wubzie, and Sylvester, and SoSo.

A few hours later and a bit of frustration taken out on a soccer game proved to make me feel better. And then other things made me feel better. I decided that I didn't need people in my life that didn't want to talk to me. I accepted that. The other left his phone at his "brother's" house, and he texted me assuring me that it was ok and other things. Last but not least I could see her tomorrow, which would take away anxiety.

This morning I woke up thinking that this was my last day to actually smile and be happy about it. I can't stand the thought of not having teeth tomorrow. For those of you who don't know, I have baby teeth and the adult teeth are impacted. They have to pull the impacted teeth into the right spot and pull the babies out. It's long, complicated, and gross. And I don't know if I'll be smiling about it. For a very long time.

So, I decided it was the last day to smile, so I hope I did that as much as possible. I saw him today, and we actually talked and smiled and hugged and I felt good about it for a while. I made faces at all my friends and tried to be peppy maybe for the last time for a while. I needed normal time so Wendy's definitely helps, and the people there- chyeah know.

I hope I smiled enough for you all today. I don't know how long it'll be before I feel like it again, and that might be the things that scares me most...

Here's a last look until a year and a half...