Someone Somewhere

I have fully believed for a very long time that Connor is the true love of my life. For a year and a week, actually. And that's not ok anymore. 

There are issues. We fight. I complain. We PDA. We sing we laugh and we have a really really really good time. Too good. 

It's just a side of a person. Not the only side. But a side nonetheless. And why it matters so much, I'll never really understand. 

I'm sorry that I don't, and I don't pretend that I do, but what else can I do? Nothing. Dig a hole and swear to the bottom of it.

When I'm angry, I don't mean the things that I say. But now I'm angry, and I mean it. 

We need a pause. Not a stop. But it seems like there's always someone somewhere  testing us. I'm sick of being judged and worried and hurt and tired and emotional. I want the old me back for a little bit. I've forgotten. But I am me. 

I still need a pause. I don't know what else to do.