It's Time

After much aggravation and waiting, the cast list for the school musical has come up. On line. For me to see. There are some times in my life where I want to role back time and completely redo parts of my life, knowing that it would have changed my future. This was one of those times. There are other times when I would like to freeze the picture and never move on. Honestly, this was one of those time were I would have rather hit the fast-forward.

I'm a mission member in the musical "Guys and Dolls."

I'm a mission member in the musical.

I'm a mission member.

I'm a... I wish this was different.

I thought I did so well and that I found a new confidence in myself but filling the stage with a belting soprano voice. Guess I was wrong. I didn't even get to be a dancer... and I have more dance experience than the few girls who got the leading dancers parts. I'm a mission member. How lame.

I want to be a part of the musical but one of my life goals is to be remembered. How can I be remembered if no one gives me the chance to step up? How can anyone gain experience if you don't allow them to get the necessary experience? Story of my life.

A few of my friends have expressed the want to be important, but no further than high school. I want to be a part of something bigger than cliques and sports and school. I want more. I guess the question is, "How do I get there? How do I get what I want?" I may never know, but it won't be by sticking around a small school giving parts to the same people over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Yes, I am annoyed. No, I won't yell. Yes, I'll be sad. No, I won't be able to change anything. Yes, I can always try hard to achieve a dream next year. Hopefully.

However, my time is now. I want to make the difference. I just need the chance. I wonder if I'll ever get one. In anything. With anyone.